my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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