At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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