I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
