So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
