I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
