sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize