Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
