I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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