You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize