3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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