I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm always down for nudity.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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