He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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