Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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