This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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