apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i drank out of a bidet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
