wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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