She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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