I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
