Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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