OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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