please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
