WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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