My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
