I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
