Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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