i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
