You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
