How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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