am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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