It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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