i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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