just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
