i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
