He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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