Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
