I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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