I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
