he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
