I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
