Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
