I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
