We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
