NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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