batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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