i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
