Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
