It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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