Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
