And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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