Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone says I win the strip club
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
