you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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