After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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