fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
