My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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