So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
