Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
