SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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