Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
