All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We got so high we made milksteak
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
