Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
