Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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