Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
