My friends, they love my intelligence
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
did you just send me my own nude
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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