I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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