Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
