brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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