Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
