i already hear my dad disowning me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
