please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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