is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
