ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
