i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
