Ambien. No doubt about it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
