Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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