I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
