Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize