I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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