Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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