I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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