are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I supernannyed him into submission
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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