whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
