i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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