"it" just moved
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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